when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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