Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
