Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
