You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
