U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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