these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
