So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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