That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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