matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His nipple licking is glorious
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