We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
