ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
