I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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