Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
