I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
smell my finger.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize