I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
