Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
