i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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