Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
