I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
