Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This baby is an asshole
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
