Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Randomize
