Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
