Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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