haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
