Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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