he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
