Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
