Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she peed on how many people?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
