their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
