I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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