True but thats because hes a fetus.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
