Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
