i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
