You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
