She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
