Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
FUCK WHALES
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
