So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
