That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
