I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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