I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you still have your period?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
