Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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