i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
