Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
