Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
