I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
