So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
