the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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