How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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