She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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