there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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