Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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