That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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