Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
