All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
