how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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