he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
