Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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