Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
