Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
40s are totally the cure
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
