hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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