They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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