Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
