you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
