He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
