dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I enjoy the company of your penis
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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