my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
