You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
420 ftw
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
