Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
