i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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