Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
