the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
