i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can you bring me the toilet please
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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