Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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