The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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