i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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